At the beginning of 2019 I set myself a goal to write 12 blogs this year. I've published two so far. I had started writing a blog about my Photo Tour to the US Southwest in February, but I lost all enthusiasm. When I searched my heart as to why it seemed so "painful" and "difficult" for me to write and publish that blog, I came to realize that I was writing what I thought people would want to see and read about.
Searching my Heart
When I started writing the blog about my Photo Tour to the US Southwest, I was documenting everything as it happened. I have shared many travel stories on social media and I wrote three blogs about my Photo Tour to the US Southwest last year. It has never been a challenge for me to share the fun, adventure and experiences of travel through various mediums.
When I started writing the blog for this year's Photo Tour to the US Southwest, it seemed like such a chore for me. It seemed like it was almost outright painful to get this blog done. As it stands, it sits unpublished in my saved files. Why was it so hard for me to get this blog written? It wasn't like me at all to have such a hard time writing about my travels, so I stopped and began to search out what is going on.
Over some time I began to realize that it was so hard for me to write the blog because I was trying to write what I thought people wanted to see and read about. The reality was that this trip was far from what I was trying to portray in the blog. Don't get me wrong, it was still a great trip where I got to see and photograph many amazing places and meet great people that were on the tour. The truth of it is, that the trip was life changing for me on a deep and personal level.
Being True to Myself
I felt a little lost as to what to do. I wasn't sure.......and I'm still not sure how or whether I'm wanting to tell the whole story of my life changing experiences on that tour in a blog. All the same, I took time to assess where I wanted to take my blog writing.
It has always been important to me to be authentic. For the most part I believe you will always get to experience my true authentic self. Even if it takes me a little to warm up to some people, it usually isn't long before my authenticity with all it's greatness and many faults makes an appearance.
Whenever I have struggled personally or with where to take my photography, I have always found it very grounding to go back to being true to myself and everything I am. Let's face it, we can all be torn into many directions by many outside forces. I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting to be like THAT at times......but I find that being like someone or something else never lasts because it's just not who I am.
Embracing All that I AM and Everything that I'm NOT......
Without a doubt most of us work on being better versions of ourselves in various ways. I personally believe that learning and growing is an ongoing process. If we stop learning and growing, we stagnate and become unsettled and bored.....at least as far as I can tell from my own life experiences.
Although at one point my approach was to "fix" everything that was "wrong" with me, I have let that go. For starters......who or what decides that there is anything wrong to start with? I had to take a good look at my own beliefs and what I allowed to decide to set any kinds of standards for me. Every day I am more comfortable in my own skin and more comfortable with everything I am and I am NOT. It's all a part of me and who I am.
I have also learned that by focusing on the problem, or everything that is "wrong," it only re-enforced those very things. It's kind of crazy how that works and I am still working at changing my thinking on this kind of stuff. It's a process, but I'm really enjoying the adventure of it all.
Where to from Here?
I don't have all those answers. After all, life can change on us without warning or prediction. I do know that I'll just keep on walking and doing the things I love and the things I need to do. I also know that I'll just try to be true to myself and everything I am.....and I am not. I embrace it all. I will continue to chase my dreams and what is in my heart. Life will fall together or apart as it needs to.......
I am grateful for this journey, even if it isn't always easy. That's just life......it's not perfect. There is still so much to be grateful for in the process.
I love photography, and probably always will. It allows me to meet some amazing people......even if it is only for the duration of a photo session or a photo adventure tour. I'm grateful that many people share their hearts with me. I consider this a huge privilege. I am grateful that I get to travel and see and experience this wonderful world we live in! I learn so much and meet so many interesting people along the way.....
Although I have a general direction that I want to take my life, I have no way to predict and guarantee that it will unfold that way. I will keep on going, and when life gives me detours, I will try to enjoy the ride.
Whatever I put out there for writings and photographs, it is my goal to be as "real" and "authentic" as possible. I want to create out of everything that I am and that I'm not........not because I think someone wants to see or hear a certain thing (or heaven forbid because I think they do NOT want to see or hear it).
Over this last year I have been told several times to "keep creating." Although I mostly thought it was reference to my photography, I have learned that creating is so much more than that. All of us can create. Create a life we love and enjoy. Create a loving family. Create friendships.
CREATE!! The sky is the limit........or is it?!
The first two blogs I wrote this year were pretty easy for me to write. They are subjects that are near and dear to me. If you are interested in reading these blogs, you can find the blogs "Harvest 2018 in Manitoba" and "Mental Health - A Journey of Hope" by clicking on the titles,
This image of the "heart" in Antelope Canyon is my own.
© Sigrid Sauereisen 2019